The only person I need to please is myself
I am enough. It’s taken me a while to get there, but I know it well now. I believe it. I am a recovering people pleaser. I am not perfect, but I am enough.
When you people please, you come from a place of feeling unworthy — feeling as if you are not enough, so you have to be more. You have to be more helpful, you have to be The Most Helpful.
Feeling as if you are not enough is disempowering. For many, many years, I have felt as if I was not enough. I was promoted quickly in my organization because I work hard — probably because I am a people pleaser. When I took my current position, I was the youngest, least experienced person to ever have my role. Everyone had faith in me, but I did not have enough faith in myself.
I constantly thought: I am not enough.
Have you been there? Well, I’m here to tell you that if you’re there now, and you’re stuck, this is the way out: every time you think “I’m not enough,” you must replace it in your mind with “I’ve had enough.”
Making that switch is crucial to getting to the ultimate goal. The ultimate goal is truly believing: “I am enough.” Why? Because when you believe you aren’t enough, you operate under a lens of fear. You are a victim of your mindset. You believe that you have to search outside of yourself for validation, and whatever mistreatment comes to you, you deserve.
The classic example comes from bullying. If you are being bullied and you have a victim mindset, you will think “I’m not enough.” You will think you’re not good enough, you’re not smart enough, pretty enough, etc.
One day, something happens that causes you to change your perspective — you take the last blow. It triggers something in you, and you realize “I have had enough.” That’s when the power begins to shift. It is from that place — the “I have had enough” place — that the victim gets the strength to stop the bullying. Once the bullying stops and healing sets in, the former victim realizes that they are enough. The victim becomes a survivor.
Most recently, in my own life, I am actively ending a period where I felt like I wasn’t enough both personally and professionally. At work, I allowed myself to be bullied. I allowed employees to walk all over me because I didn’t believe I had the right to stand up for myself. I had no one to support me, so if I didn’t find it within myself to fight, it didn’t happen — they would win.
In my personal life, I bought clothes to make myself feel better, more beautiful, and more worthy. The beauty of my body and my intellect alone were not enough. I bought so much clothing regularly that I would often spend more than half of my paycheck just on clothes. I would then have to skimp and save and cut corners just to make ends meet on essentials. It turns out, you can’t eat clothes.
Because this “I am not enough” mindset was happening both at work and in my personal life, it’s clear now to me that something had to give. I am typically a confident woman — this couldn’t last forever. The first thing to break was work. At work, I found myself often deeply discontented and frustrated. I would mutter to myself “I have had enough.”
When I started really taking that feeling seriously, everything started to change. I created a support network for myself. My priorities slowly shifted. I made the decision to leave my job.
Making the decision to leave my job meant that I had to deal with my money issues. I had to acknowledge that I had had enough of living paycheck to paycheck because of my shopping addiction. Again, I thought I’d had enough. I looked inward to find that I have everything I need within me. I focus now, instead, on my goals for the future: my writing and my creative business. My priorities are changing quickly as I learn again that I am enough.
I’m leaving my job in just a few short weeks. I am no longer climbing a corporate ladder in the sky that belongs to someone else’s dream. I no longer buy clothes to make myself feel better. I have a tribe to support me and my dreams. The tribe is growing. I am finding my voice and my purpose. The only person I need to please is myself.
Most importantly, in every way, I believe I am enough.